Saint Petersburg 6th – 8th August 2017

Pree Vyet from Russia

After our time had drawn to a Finnish in Helsinki, we boarded the ole’ Expat bus early morning to head north into Mother Russia. One of the reasons that we picked this trip was that we got to spend three days in St. Petersburg. Just getting the Russian visa was an ordeal in itself so we were keen to give this city a decent crack.

Grace had told us about the border crossing and what a solemn procedure it was to gain entry. We lined up, quietly not talking – except for Alex and Michael (The Two Ronnies) – who forgot the one instruction after about 5 minutes and continued their brilliant convo at maximum decibels…After we all shushed them, we got through and back onto the coach in an hour. A new Expat record apparently…and we were into Russia!!

First up was a lunch stop in a roadside servo…They spoke no English and we spoke no Russian but with lots of pointing and gesticulation, we ended up with a bacon and cheese wrapped chicken breast, wedges and a water all for the low price of 350 Rubles – about 7 Aussie bucks…not bad. The people watching at this servo was also gold. Stereotypical fat, dour gross blokes in striped t-shirts smoking darts, with their bleached-blond truck-stop hooker birds in cheap denim and flat, black orthopaedic shoes…such a B-Grade Horror flick already..

Anyway we got back on and travelled over about 10 – 15 minutes of expertly engineered raised freeway/bridges into St. Petersburg. The juxtaposition in the city was evident right away. The brand new highways (built for the upcoming 2018 FIFA World Cup) contrasted with the Soviet era housing blocks and we just knew that this city was going to be interesting. Grace gave us the obligatory info on the bus and I learnt a fair bit about the city, including the fact that it houses 5.5 million residents and that it was a planned city that was constructed in the 1700’s. Alexander (I think) was inspired by Venice, Amsterdam and Paris and got the greatest French and Italian architects to design a canal city that links the 101 islands. As Grace so eloquently put it – “It’s like a grown-up Paris.”

Man, she wasn’t wrong…this city was something else.

The epic scale of this city was mind-blowing. It had all of the elements of the afore-mentioned great cities but on a grandiose scale. It was massive and majestic.

We began with a driving tour and we took in all of the main sights: the Winter Palace, The Hermitage, St. Isaac’s Cathedral, Peter Monument and my favourite; The Church of Our Saviour of the Spilled Blood. It took a bit to impress me after so many days on the coach and looking at Europe’s grandest, but this joint was the bomb!!

We then stopped at a vodka tasting joint!! What an intro!

The vodka was rot but the cranberry liqueur was the shiz. Smooth, sweet and tart all at once. I endeavoured to get a bottle but my bride suggested it may be cheaper elsewhere. Anyway, this shop also sold tackfest souvenirs of Russia and after two shots, the consumers on the bus went crazy… Matrushka dolls, Putin calendars, shot glasses, replica Faberge eggs and all the other Russian stereotypes were snapped up and we overstayed our stop by 15 minutes. We then got to the hotel, that was our home for 3 days, unpacked and grabbed a buffet dinner and Asmstel lagers (120 Rubles for 500mls – A$2.10,) before crashing out.

We elected NOT to do the trip to Moscow, but to spend our free day cutting around the’burg. We walked into town (quite an accomplishment) and grabbed a dodgy ticket for a canal cruise. The sign promised audio guides in Russian and English so we thought why not?? Well technically they were right – our headphones did have English commentary but the Russian one was blasted from the on-board speakers and we had to turn ours right up to hear, which of course fuzzed it out and the two commentaries morphed into one fuzzed out mess. After laughs of resignation we just settled in to enjoy the crisp breeze and dramatic black clouds that framed this majestic city. We spent the rest of the day hopping on and off, walking through the Summer Gardens, checking out the Faberge Museum gift shop, eating gross microwaved Chicken Kiev, visiting the Vatican-esque St Isaacs Cathedral and walking, walking, walking. We had done 18000 steps or 13.2km’s when we finally fell exhausted back to the hotel in time for a beer. We also tried borscht in a great little café and smashed down beef stroganoff for dinner. The Russian food trifecta was struck off in one day and I’m just saying that I could make any of these dishes heaps fuckin’ better!!!

The next morning we had another blessed sleep in, smashed the breaky buffet and then met our guide for the day – Tatiana – at 10am. We briefly met her on our driving tour the other day and she spoke at a million miles per hour. Today we were slated to tour The Hermitage in the morning and the Spilled Blood church in the arvo. We lined up like chumps with a billion others for The Hermitage and then were whisked through these 5 museums in 90 minutes…it was too much. There are over 3 million works of art, sculpture and artefacts in here and she whirled us through way too quickly. We did get some great pics and saw some original works by Da Vinci, Rembrandt and others though.

A gross lunch stop Russian pie (piroghi) from a truck followed by coffee and an éclair from a café and we were back onto the bus and rocking up to the Spilled Blood church. As I previously mentioned, this church was the most spectacular building that I’ve ever seen from the outside and I couldn’t wait to see the 7000 square feet of mosaic inside…it did not disappoint dear readers. Every square inch of this joint was covered in mosaic that showed every scene in Christ’s life from Immaculate Conception to Resurrection. When Alexander II was murdered, his son commissioned this church as homage to him. The parallels between Alexander II and Christ were plainly obvious and Russia has basically deified the bloke in this monument. However narcissistic this may seem to a heathen outsider, the church was spectacular and one of the greatest buildings I’ve ever had the privilege to enter.

We then headed back home for a quick change before an organised traditional Russian dinner at a restaurant called the Russian Vodka Museum…This was not our original restaurant but we went there anyway. Funnily enough, no one here had a vodka. Jen and I shared some venison and beef dumplings for a starter before she went for a proper chicken Kiev this time. It made up for the microwaved slop from yesterday. I elected to have a Siberian Red Deer cutlet with lingonberry sauce. While this sounds exotic as fuck, the reality was that it was a hamburger patty in red sauce…meh – we didn’t really come to Russia for the food, mainly the architecture. We walked home with Steph from England as the others were off to the cultural show and that is one of our travel taboos.

Anyway we are on the bus at the mo, off to Tallinn, Estonia – back in the EU. I’m really looking forward to this beautiful old town and we will also celebrate the 28th birthday of Jose’ (the new Walter.)

I loved the grandeur of St. Petersburg, but like most places we have seen, this is a tourist façade. Three streets back and the apartment building are in disarray with car wrecks on the street. The people are still fairly dour, though it feels like it is a city that will be a touro hotspot in the next 20 years or so. The architecture was incomparable and the Spilled Blood Church was probably the most amazing building that I’ve ever seen – and it only took 28 years from woe to go…

Spaseebaa Russian, it has been an adventure.

From Russia with love xx

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1. 
   

1.